


Hindsight’s 20/20

by Whystickaround



Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 03:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14035503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whystickaround/pseuds/Whystickaround
Summary: Frankie loves Grace and she’s starting to come to terms with the fact that she has for a very long time.





	1. Shaky

**Author's Note:**

> Okay lesbians- I’ve never written anything before so this is probably a pile of trash but I had a grand ol time writing it so cut a girl some slack. I know I lose their voices sometimes and also probably switch tenses but let me live,,, I love you please give me feedback (but like, nicely)

“I loved a woman once.” Grace says out of the blue, making Frankie stop thinking about the circus that’s coming to town next week and concentrate on Grace’s words. They had been relaxing on the deck for what must have been nearly two hours without so much of a word. Just sitting peacefully, enjoying the birds playing on the beach in front of them. 

“I know that- her name is This Woman Right Here but what’s with the past tense, lady?” Frankie jokes, opening one eye and turning to look at Grace, who continues to look straight ahead as if trying to see farther than the ocean can reach. She doesn’t say anything, which makes Frankie reach her arm out and poke her left shoulder. 

“Hey. You know I’m listening. Tell me all your secrets Grace Hanson-Bergstein.”

Grace scoffs, “Oh god don’t tell me I have to take both of Roberts names now.”

“No just mine, in fact let’s drop the Hanson altogether. Better yet let’s drop both those names. They’re dead to us. Let’s create our own last name.”

“Name as in singular? As in the same last name?” Grace rolls her eyes but then smirks, as if it’s not actually the most ludicrous idea she’s ever heard. 

“Calm down I’m not asking you to marry me- yet.” She says with a wink, “I just thought we remade our lives together why not remake our names together as well. At the very least we could pick ones for each other. But mine has to start with a B so I don’t have to change my autograph.”

“Yeah because I’m going to let the woman who named her children Nawbudake and Coyote choose my new name.” 

“Hey now! I will not sit here and justify my name choosing methods for probably the 374th time to you Ms Grace Sabra.”

“Sabra?” She scoffs, “As in the hummus brand you eat instead of the ones from the farmers market you can’t seem to make yourself like?”

“Damn you for knowing me so well and damn those corporate brands filling what is supposed to be a natural food with so many delicious delicious chemicals.” Frankie almost gets caught up in her ongoing internal struggle about wanting to support local and fresh vs the superior tasting pre packaged, but not before remembering what started this conversation in the first place. 

“Alright alright lets pop the new name train onto the back burner until I can whip out my spiritual name guide. I believe you were saying something? Something about love perhaps?” she says leaning back against the chair again. 

She hears Grace sigh, as if debating whether or not she wants to go back after the much welcomed diversion. 

“I, uh, I,” She starts, “Oh who knows, now you’ve got me thinking about hummus. I think we have some baby carrots left over. I could whip you up a nice snack if you’re hungry?” Her voice is off, as if she’s trying too hard to convince Frankie to drop it. 

“Not a chance sister- you promised me a secret first. Then and only then may you make me a delicious snack platter.”

“I did no such thing.”

“Graaace.” Frankie whines. 

“Oh fine. I was just, thinking. About Robert. And Sol I suppose. I was, uh, I was just wondering if it’s something that’s always there you know?”

“Being a lying bastard?”

“No, no. Being... gay. Having gay feelings I guess. I haven’t... I’m not ready to ask Robert more questions about it yet. I just wonder if one were to have loved one woman once, hypothetically, if... if that means they’re gay?” Grace starts picking at the side of her deck chair as she speaks and Frankie can feel the tension in Grace’s shoulders from two feet way. 

“Oh?” Frankie asks, for once not knowing what to say, not wanting to say the wrong thing for fear of Grace shutting down. She closes her eyes; tries to be nonchalant, “You?” 

“Well. I think, I think I loved a woman once.” Frankie hears the trepidation in Grace’s voice. 

“No, I did. I did love a woman once. But I was young and so was she. It didn’t mean anything. I hadn’t thought about it in years. I hadn’t thought about her. That doesn’t mean I’m gay- I’m not saying I’m gay- I’m not gay. But if Sol can fall in love with only one man and still call himself gay then what does that mean?”

“Well for one thing that means Sol is a big ol’ bisexual who has been peer pressured by your gay square of an ex husband into thinking he has to be one or the other. Which, I will add, almost none of us are! Not even you Grace New Last Name To Be Determined Hanson.” 

Frankie gives herself a mental pat on the back for keeping her voice so calm despite Grace’s confession. She ignores her heart beating rapidly against her breastbone and waits for Grace to speak next but Grace seems lost in thought. Frankie tries not to stare at her. Tries not to let her hand shake as she reaches out and stops Grace’s hand from peeling the paint off the armrest. She holds Grace’s wrist. She holds her own breath. 

“Have you ever...?” Grace whispers. 

“I’ve come close.” She replies and she wonders how it can be true and yet feel like such a lie at the same time. How it feels like Grace’s question is much bigger than itself. 

“Yeah, well we all feel things sometimes. But we don’t go ruining our marriages over it for Christ’s sake.” Grace says with a slight laugh, trying to dismiss her confession, trying to lighten the mood. Before Frankie can speak Grace takes her arm back and clasps her hands together. 

“Well! I think that’s enough fresh air for one night! What do you think? We’ve got to get an early start tomorrow!” 

Frankie watches her get up, notices how high she’s holding her eyebrows- how high her voice is. Frankie knows she’s pretending this conversation never happened. Knows that Grace like lie in bed and hate herself for opening up. 

“Hey Grace?”

“Mm?”

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had- and I’ve had a hell of a lot of em. I’m not one to believe in rankings but if I were, you’d be at the top”

Grace’s face relaxes, if only slightly. She grabs Frankie’s arms and pulls her up out of the chair. They head towards the house. 

“Did you see the circus is coming to town? I imagine you’ll insist on dragging me along this year?” Grace asks, voice dripping with exaggerated dread. 

Frankie laughs and links their arms together.


	2. Years and years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I’m not going to do these. It’s a mystery every chapter. Bon appetit

The clock reads 2:37 and Frankie can’t sleep. The women had parted ways with a quick goodnight and then with Grace halfway up the stairs yelling ‘8:45am Frankie! Breakfast will be waiting for you!’

Once back in her studio Frankie had tried to focus on anything but the conversation they’d just shared. Tried not to think about what Grace was doing right at that moment. A skill she has been trying to master for nearly 30 years. 

She thinks back to when Sol first started the law firm with Robert. There were a few months at the beginning when she had first met Grace that she naively spent time trying to impress her. Of course that didn’t last for long, Grace Hanson seemed to have a feverish distaste for Frankie right off the bat and everyone, including Sol had known that that wasn’t ever going to change. He hadn’t even tried to reassure her Grace that would come around eventually. He just squeezed her hand tighter whenever Grace was near by and said nothing. 

Fortunately they had been busy in different circles, different sports and clubs for the kids, different markets to shop in. Despite being business partners Sol and Robert rarely forced the two women to interact in intimate settings at the start, very rarely were double dates even suggested- let alone entertained. 

Frankie had always been drawn to sad people. Not exclusively, by any means, she was drawn to all types of people, from all walks of life, but Frankie always knew she had a knack for identifying the slight twinge of penetrating sadness in one’s voice. That’s how she had known, despite her icy, holier than thou appearance, that Grace Hanson was a deeply, deeply sad woman. The only thing Frankie didn’t know was: why. Frankie had liked Robert, in that way one likes their husband’s best friend and business partner- without much actual thought. She knew she never wanted to spend time just the two of them but he was always nothing but pleasant whenever she saw him.

“Does Robert talk about Grace a lot?”  
She had asked Sol one night as they climbed into bed after their yearly Christmas party at the law firm. 

“Of course, she’s his wife!”

“Good grief, Sol, I know that! But does he talk about her lovingly, talk about the things she does or likes. Talk about things they do together?”

“Hmm. She’s very busy, you know? What with the business and the kids and that huge house. I think more than anything he talks about her busy schedule.” He had thought for a moment, “But yes I suppose he does so lovingly.”

Frankie had sank back into her pillow and let Sol’s words sit heavy in the room. He seemed just as lost in thought as she did and she wondered what he was thinking. She remembers wondering if he knew something about Robert and Grace that he wasn’t letting on. Or if he was thinking about the way he talked about her to Robert. Did he talk about her lovingly? Or like a small part of his life, background noise like Robert always seemed to refer to Grace. At the time Frankie knew Sol loved her, knew it deep in her soul but sometimes she had wondered if Sol was truly capable of really being in love with anyone; or if he just imitated the signs because he felt like he needed to. She had known their connection was real but the love and marriage part had sometimes felt forced on both of their sides. Like perhaps they were meant to be soulmates but not lovers.

She remembers when Grace and Robert really became fixtures in her life. It was around the time Bud and Coyote were becoming teenagers, and Robert had approached her one day when she stopped into the office to see Sol. 

“Wouldn’t it be nice if my girls had some nice strong brothers to protect them? Someone to watch out for them?” He had asked. 

“They’re basically all the same age. Physically, that is. Spiritually Bud is nearing his mid to late 40’s, and Coyote might be a teensy tiny but younger than his physical age in a lot of ways but there’s a maturity there that will blossom any day now.” She had replied, unaware Robert wasn’t really listening. 

“You know what I mean”, he shrugged, and she had. She loved her sons more than she could ever begin to fathom but she couldn’t help but worry that they stood out amongst the other kids at their middle school, and next year they would be going into the big junior high- the same one as the Hanson girls. It definitely didn’t hurt for them to already have some friends going in. So she had agreed they should spend more time together.

And just like that she had found herself swept into the life she had always managed to avoid- the family dinners, vacationing together, watching the kid’s school concerts together. After years of comfortable difference the Bergsteins and the Hanson’s had suddenly found themselves nearly suffocated by togetherness. 

It wasn’t exactly bad; Frankie really did love Robert’s girls. Brianna and Mallory had brought a feminine energy into her home whenever they visited and they loved having a woman they could come to when their mom was busy- which was most of the time. Mallory was sweet and she liked playing with the boys. Brianna was complicated and Frankie had relished the chance to get to know her, as well as to have someone of whom she could dish about Grace’s idiosyncrasies with. 

Grace was there a lot at the start too, but she was never really there. Frankie couldn’t help but notice how much time she spent staring off into space, clearly thinking about things she needed to do the following day at Say Grace. Didn’t even try not to count how many drinks she had each night. Didn’t look away when she caught Grace checking her watch every 15 minutes as if she always had someplace better to be. 

By the time their families had nearly blended into one Frankie had long given up trying to be friendly to Grace and had moved on to trying to figure her out another way- the only way she figured Grace knew how to communicate; through cleverly disguised jabs and back handed compliments. 

As always, Frankie’s thoughts traveled back to that night at the bar. Sol and Robert had insisted on buying the whole office drinks to celebrate the success of a lengthy case they had worked together. As soon as she arrived Frankie had spotted Grace on a bar stool. 

“My good heavens is that Margaret Thatcher in the flesh?” Frankie had exclaimed walking up behind her. 

“Oh no my mistake- it’s just Grace Hanson! My my my your hair is looking especially larger than life tonight my dear.”

Graces mouth twitched slightly and Frankie smirked. 

“I should certainly hope so after the lengths I had to go to buy this hairspray. It turned out a certain hippie bought out all the stores in an effort to preserve that birds nest that built itself on her head.”

“Jokes on you lady, this mane is au natural, I wouldn’t dare put chemicals in her. The hairspray was probably needed to add the necessary gloss to my painting of the one eyed raccoon that lives below our porch.”

“Let me know when your next art showing is I’ll make sure I’m busy.” Grace had sneered, before pulling the seat out beside her. A gesture Frankie knew she shouldn’t question. 

“Rough night? 

“Rougher than usual I suppose.”

Frankie had felt like she was walking on a tightrope, the first glimmer at the real Grace Hanson- the sad Grace Hanson- she had possibly ever seen. 

“Well I’m no therapist but I sure can order you another drink and lend an open ear if you’re interested. This one to be exact.” Frankie pointed to her right ear, “The other one hasn’t worked right since the 60s.”

Grace let out a low huff of air that she would have sworn was a laugh if she hadn’t known her better. Graces eyes had been closed and Frankie had felt compelled to reach out and hug her, but she knew she shouldn’t. 

They had sat there for a while; Frankie staring at her and Grace letting her, before finally Grace opened her eyes. 

“I think,” she choked and Frankie felt her chest tighten, “I think Robert is having an affair.”

The words came as a surprise to Frankie, and she wasn’t sure if it was more because she hadn’t suspected it even though she maybe should have, or because Grace was trusting her with this confession. A confession Frankie imagined was nearly unbearable for Grace to say out loud. 

Frankie remembers saying nothing for the longest time and Grace had seemed grateful. She took a long breath and finished the drink Frankie had ordered her. Then she sighed, as if just saying it out loud had exhausted her. 

“Are you sure?” Frankie asked and immediately she knew it was the wrong thing to say. She watched Grace’s back immediately stiffen and she pictured herself falling off the tightrope. She visualized Grace’s moment of vulnerability as an hourglass spilling the last pieces of sand before returning still. 

“I sure as fuck think I would know, or are you calling me stupid?”

Frankie knows now that her reaction had had nothing to do with her question, really. She knows Grace was angry at herself for not knowing- for letting herself feel stupid. And yet, the coldness of Grace’s stare penetrated deeply at the time and she had instantly felt like crying. 

“No Grace of course not. I mean, my god no, what.. what are you going to do?” She was scrambling and it only seemed to anger Grace more. 

“Nothing. Just like you are. If Sol finds out about this conversation Frankie I swear. I swear.” She was nearly shaking with poorly concealed rage. She went to stand but her legs were too unstable and Frankie reached out to grab her arm. 

“Don’t touch me.”

Frankie was stunned. “Grace, I’m sorry-” she started but Grace found her footing enough to whip her back to Frankie and walk directly to Robert. She couldn’t see her mouth but she imagined Grace was hissing ‘we need to go’ into his ear. He looked scared for a moment but he collected himself as per usual and Frankie watched them excuse themselves from the rest of the group and walk out without touching. Neither of them had looked back to say goodbye to Frankie. 

That night as her and Sol had gotten ready for bed, he didn’t notice anything off about her. He didn’t ask why she was quiet on the ride home, didn’t ask why she silently checked on the kids and got into bed without making her nightly tea. When he finally joined her she remembers noticing he was not nearly as drunk as she thought he was and a dull ache made itself known in her chest. Could Sol know about Roberts affair? Surely Sol wouldn’t approve of that kind of behaviour from his best friend would he? She felt a gnawing at the back of her throat and she wanted to ask him about it but something held her back. 

Sol wouldn’t have an affair would he?

No, surely not, she had thought. Sol might be clueless and distant at times but he was a family man. He couldn’t possibly hurt them like that. The universe wouldn’t do that to her. She wondered what signs Grace has seen? Late nights at the office? Lots of business trips? Forgetfulness that in turn always gets ridiculously overcompensated for? Frankie had pressed her hand to her chest to try to calm her rising heart beat. She sat up abruptly and Sol, with his back to her, didn’t flinch. 

“Sol?” She whispered and she wondered when the last time he kissed her goodnight was. Surely it couldn’t have been that long ago? She wondered if he was pretending to sleep. He’d never been very good at it. 

“Sol?” She said a little louder. Still nothing. Frankie sighed and laid back down. She thought of earlier that same week when he had forgotten to pick Coyote up from the boys club and after she had called to yell at him he came home with a full bouquet of flowers hand picked from every garden on their whole block. He must’ve run up and down stealing flowers trying not to get caught, just to apologize to her for letting her down. She had let out a small laugh- she was being ridiculous. She remembers telling herself that Sol was not Robert, she was not Grace, everything was fine, over and over again until she had finally fallen asleep. -

Now, awake in the beach house studio Frankie can’t help but laugh at the irony of the situation. Part of her wishes she had been less blind, less naive. Part of her wishes she had encouraged Grace to leave then, maybe spared her a few years of loneliness in that sad house, but then she probably wouldn’t be here with Grace now. She wouldn’t be laying in bed thinking about why in the world Grace was thinking about her first love, a woman who mustn’t’ve been in Grace’s life for over 50. 

She wouldn’t be laying in bed thinking about the first time she really felt she might have feelings for Grace.


	3. Late at Night

Frankie can still pinpoint the first time she let the thought she might have feelings for Grace wash over her- despite how hard she had tried not to. It was a few years after Grace’s boozy confession and truth be told Grace was far less present after that night. The resentment Frankie had once felt for Grace slowly started to fade in her absence. She began to feel nothing but sadness for this woman who continued to live her life lying to herself about what she knew. At first Frankie refused to let herself wonder why, why this one thing could excuse years of Grace’s bitterness. 

Frankie tried not to let herself wonder why so much of her time was spent thinking about Grace at all. About how long it’d been since they spoke. How long it’d been since she saw Grace smile any smile but that tight lipped one she reserved for Sol and Robert’s colleagues. Every time Grace came into her mind her first instinct was to push her away, but as time went on Frankie found herself allowing her thoughts to drift to everything she knew about Grace. Until eventually, she realized she missed her presence in her life. She missed Grace’s sad eyes staring at the door, missed the whiff of perfume she got when Grace walked by her, heels clacking, on the way to the bar of whatever lounge their husbands had dragged them to. She even missed their razor sharp bantering back and forth. A comfortable state of mutual distaste for one another, or so Frankie thought for the longest time. But why would Grace put so much energy into Frankie if she truly didn’t care about her? Why did Frankie care so much about where Grace was now? She fought the urge to let herself delve deeper, to unpack the emotions behind the concerns- not even during the times she settled into a deep discussion with the Goddess after a particularly good batch of pot cookies.

For the most part Frankie succeeded at denying what was going on beneath the surface, she accepted the fact that she thought about Grace every now and then- thought about her smile and her hair and her possibly cheating husband. Thought about her at home alone, drinking. Thought about calling her but never allowed herself to pick up the phone, too afraid for the voice on the other end to be cold. 

Finally one day when she was having coffee with Brianna she felt her resolve begin to crack. 

“Is your father having an affair?”

Brianna stared at her. 

“Are you high right now?”

“Brianna answer me. I’m worried about your mother.”

“You. You are worried about MY mother? My mother Grace Hanson? Your arch nemesis? You think MY father is cheating on MY mother?”

Frankie stared back. 

“Wow. Um I guess I hadn’t really thought about it, I mean who would blame him right?” She rolled her eyes, “I’m kidding I’m kidding, even Grace the ice queen Hanson doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment.”

“Brianna..” Frankie tried again. 

“You know what, honestly? As far as I remember Dad always has spent a lot of time at work but my mother spent even more time away, if anyone was having an affair I would honestly think it would be her. I mean who would dad sleep with? He spends all his time with Sol at that damn law firm.”

Frankie exhaled deeply. “You’re probably right. About your dad, not about Grace. She wouldn’t do that.”

“Frankie where is this coming from? I mean I know my mother has been distant lately, maybe more distant than usual actually, but she’s fine right? Nothing to worry about.”

“I hope so kiddo, I hope so. You know I care about her, despite how much we both try not to.” She winked. “Now tell me all about this bookface or whatever the heck it’s called.”

 

As a matter of fact Frankie had been so busy thinking about Grace she hadn’t noticed how sad Sol had been lately. It wasn’t until she woke up late one night to find his spot beside her empty that she knew something was wrong. She felt it to see if he had just gotten up for a glass of water but the sheets beside her were cold. Frankie got up and decided to skip the robe as she opened the door to the hallway and crept slowly to find Sol. She found him in the living room, crying, talking on the phone in a hushed voice. Sol was a sensitive man and Frankie had seen him cry many times throughout their marriage. When his parents passed, when her parents passed, the boys’ graduations, the first time they had to take Coyote to rehab, the first time teenage Bud angrily told them they never should have adopted him, and many many times in between. Sol was no stranger to feelings but this, this felt different. It seemed like he was apologizing to someone, like this deep surge of emotion came from a place of guilt. Frankie felt that gnawing feeling in her throat and she wanted to speak out- to tell him she was there, so he knew he was being watched, she knew how he hates that. But instead she does the exact opposite, she hid behind the doorway and tried to listen. 

“You know I know that. You know I agree with you.”

“No, come on, you know I want that too. It just, it’s harder for me-”

He was quiet for a long time and Frankie tried to piece together who he could be talking to. 

“Okay, I love you too. Goodnight.”

The words hit Frankie in the chest and she thought she might give herself away by how loud her heart was beating but Sol just hung up the phone and sat with his face in his hands until Frankie decided she needed time to think before she reacted to whatever was going on. She hurried back to bed and laid in the dark with her mind reeling. She thought back to Robert and the affair she still suspected him of having. She thought about how she never asked Sol about it, and it finally occurs to her how strange it is that she hadn’t- she told Sol everything. 

‘Because Grace asked me not to’ she thought, and the words sat uncomfortably in her mouth. Because Grace hadn’t asked her not to- she demanded it. Because the look in Grace’s eyes had told her this secret was not a new one of Grace- she had suspected it long before she felt defeated enough to tell someone- not just anyone- to tell Frankie of all people. She trusted Frankie and that meant more to her than her no secrets rule with Sol. 

‘Sol is having an affair.’ She rolled the words around in her mind. Sol was having an affair and she wasn’t shocked. Surprised, yes, but not shocked. She thought maybe if she had chosen to question things more it wouldn’t’ve surprising at all. 

‘What kind of a strong woman just sits and turns a blind eye to these kind of things? How did I let this happen?’ she thought, but her thoughts immediately went to Grace and the shame dissipates. If she didn’t judge Grace for this behaviour she couldn’t judge herself. But then again Grace and Robert were not her and Sol. Grace and Robert never seem comfortable together like her and Sol were. Sure, maybe Sol always seemed to try too hard to prove he loved her, and maybe he was less interested in their love making the past few years but that’s normal for any marriage of this length.  
‘Things change, people change-’, Frankie told herself, ‘people have affairs’. 

Just when she started to think she needed to get up and pace the floor Sol snuck back in. 

“You’re awake.” He said, with that deer in headlights look that meant he thought he might be caught- it wasn’t a question. Frankie used to love that look, used to love what she thought was a playful innocence in his big eyes, but now it just exhausted her. 

“Were you on the phone?”

“I was. Yes. Briefly. Robert. He and uh, Grace got into a fight.” He spoke very robotically, like each word was a single sentence. Like he was carefully planning what he should say. 

“At 3am?”

“Oh you know Grace- her timing when it comes to these outbursts is never the best.”

She stared at him and he didn’t move from the doorway. In the dark she saw him lean against it for support. 

“Hmm maybe I don’t know Grace as well as you seem to think. Do you know something about her I don’t?”

“Like what?”

“Sol why would Robert call you at 3am to talk about a fight between him and his wife, his wife of whom I might add has been very absent from your social circle lately.”

Sol sighed and moved towards the bed. He sat down beside Frankie and touched her knee. She didn’t move away but she thought about it. 

“Robert needs support right now, I’m his best friend. Grace has been battier than usual lately.”

“I’m sure there’s a reason.”

“Yeah the reason is it’s Grace Hanson!” He said with an uncomfortable chuckle. 

“Fights aren’t one sided you know?” She said and she wondered why she was more interested in defending Grace than she was in why he was telling someone on the phone that he loved them. 

“You know I love you so much don’t you my beautiful willow tree.” As he said he curled his body around hers, which felt strangely comforting to Frankie. As if despite all that was going on she needed to be held by someone right then. 

“Who else do you love?” 

“Well, everyone!” 

“List them for me.” She asked and if he thought it was a strange request he didn’t let on. 

“Well you of course, no matter what. And Bud, and Coyote, Babe, my parents even though I guess they don’t count, Brianna and Mallory, Larry, Alex, that Catherine woman who helped Coyote so much last year, Annie from whole foods, Johan from the office, everyone from the office really. Robert.” He stopped abruptly as if his mind was reeling for one more person. “And you know what? Even Grace!”

“You love Grace and Robert?”

“Well of course, we’ve known them forever!”

Frankie tried to tell herself it wasn’t weird for Sol to get emotional when Robert was having a hard time. Tried to tell herself it wasn’t weird for Sol to tell Robert he loved him, as a friend does. She tried to tell herself that it wasn’t any different than what she was doing thinking about Grace so much. 

“Thank you Sol I’m sorry for this I’m just tired I guess.” 

“Let’s get some sleep” he said as he placed a quick peck on her cheek and turned his back to her to sleep. 

Frankie laid back down, feeling much better, feeling grateful she didn’t fly off the handles when she heard him on the phone. She stared up at the roof, not actually tired at all and let her thoughts drift once more to Grace. She wondered where she was right now. If she stormed out after her and Robert’s fight. Frankie wished she was the person Grace could turn to when she was upset, like that night in the bar. She wished she could reach out and hold Grace’s hand. Reassure her that she was loved, that she doesn’t need Robert. Frankie closed her eyes. Imagined being there for Grace when she was sad. Imagined them hugging and crying. Imagined smoking pot with her. Imagined laughing together. Herself reaching out and touching Grace’s cheeks- Grace’s sad eyes looking up at her. Imagined leaning in, brushing their noses together. Whispering to Grace that she was the strongest person she’d ever met. Imagined their lips coming together slowly and softly. Grace’s hands finding their way to Frankie’s hair- Frankie still holding onto Grace’s face. A soft moan escaped her. 

Frankie’s eyes had flown open. She realized her left hand was caressing her own breast and she ripped it away as if it were a hotplate. She looked over at Sol but he was snoring away, back turned to her like always. Frankie felt an ache between her legs and her heart was beating faster than she had ever remembered before. 

There was no denying what that was. Not even Frankie could pretend that was just a casual way of thinking about a friend. Frankie was suddenly overcome with guilt. Not even half an hour ago she suspected Sol of adultery and here she was touching herself while fantasizing about someone else- not just anyone else; a woman. And not just any woman- Grace Fucking Hanson.


	4. The Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is won’t let me italicize on my phone??? So it is what it is but just know I DO know that italicizing adds to the experience lmao

Frankie lets the bitterness of the memory bite at her throat. There she had been feeling guilty over just thinking about someone else while Sol had been whispering sweet nothings to his actual lover over the phone two rooms away from her. She picks up her cell phone now. She opens it, the brightness temporarily blinding her until she remembers how to turn it down. She checks the time, 3:02am, and clicks onto Facebook messenger. 

Grace Hanson active 7 minutes ago 

She feels her breath hitch. Grace is still up. What could she be doing? Frankie clicks onto their last conversation and just as she goes to read what they had been saying three days ago- something about skim milk vs 2%- the little green symbol pops up at the top. 

Grace Hanson active now

Frankie sits up in her bed. She stares at the green symbol. 

‘Grace Hanson loved a woman once’, she thinks to herself. Grace Hanson loved a woman once and still thinks about it. Grace Hanson thinks about loving women as a possibility for her. 

Frankie tries to think of something to write to Grace right now. Maybe ask her if she’s alright- Grace had made such a big deal out of having to get up early and get to work- it’s not like her to stay up this late. She sets her phone down on her lap and closes her eyes. 

Ping

‘Are you alright out there? Are you cold? Or hungry? I could whip you up a snack.’

Frankie can’t help but smile. Grace has always said she doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body but Frankie begs to differ. 

‘Oh that’s right! I do believe I was promised a hummus platter. They don’t call you Grace Sabra for nothing!’ Frankie types back.

Eight minutes go by. Frankie wonders if she should just go inside. As she waits for a reply she chides herself for being ridiculous- even if Grace did occasionally have sapphic feelings she would never in a million years have them for her. They were best friends for one thing, and besides Grace would definitely want to date someone more like herself; someone proper and socially conscious. 

Ping

‘Matter of fact they don’t call me that at all. Or maybe they do behind my back. There are worse things to be called. Like Mrs Robert Hanson for one.’

Frankie stares at the message, not sure if she’s supposed to laugh or feel a sense of sadness for Grace, who never felt comfortable in her own name. A name she had to wear for over 40 unhappy years. Before she can come up with a witty response she hears a knock on the door. 

“Come in.” Frankie calls out as she gets out of bed and moves to the sofa. She suddenly feels nervous. 

Grace enters the studio wearing a deep blue robe over silky baby blue pyjamas. She’s carrying a small bag of baby carrots and the tub of hummus. 

“Sorry I didn’t go all out on the presentation. I guess I figured the only way to snack at three in the morning is to do it like college students.”

Frankie smiles up at her and Grace smiles back. Grace looks tired but just as beautiful as ever and Frankie presses her hand to her own neck, feeling her heart beat faster. 

“Hey lady why couldn’t you sleep?” Frankie asks as Grace sits down on the opposite end of the couch and puts the food between them. 

“Oh god who knows. It’s chilly, the wind is too loud, mercury is in retrograde.” She says trying to illicit a laugh out of Frankie. She succeeds. Frankie knows Grace doesn’t buy into any of that kind of stuff. 

“What about you? You’re going to have an awfully hard time focusing on shipping boxes in the morning. Luckily I’m feeling generous and might even push our start time back to 9:30.” Grace says with a wink and she pokes Frankie’s knee. 

“Oh gee whiz what a kind and all forgiving slave driver you are!” Frankie says popping a baby carrot into her mouth, wishing there wasn’t the barrier between them on the couch. 

“You sure you can’t sleep because of that conversation we had earlier?” She asks, mouth still full and Grace winces. 

“Oh kill me now Frankie- I do not want to talk more about that. It was stupid, I was stupid to even bring it up.”

“You’re not stupid Grace. It makes me feel good when you tell me things. I like it when you trust me- because you always can. We’re in this together remember? We’re going to get the same last name for frig sake!” 

Grace looks at her as if deciding whether or not she should padlock up her vulnerability or maybe open the gate- just a crack. Frankie feels her stomach tense up, she knows Grace hasn’t let anyone in in years, maybe not ever. Grace sighs and bites into a carrot (no hummus) and leans back against the couch. 

Frankie loves her. She knows it now, she knew it that night with Sol and the phone call and if she really really thought about it she knew it that night in the bar all those years ago. Frankie loves Grace. She loves her like a best friend, like a confidant, like a partner in every sense of the word. Frankie would do anything to make Grace happy, even if that means dropping this conversation she so desperately wants to delve into. 

They sit in a comfortable silence for a while, Grace leaning back with her eyes closed and Frankie trying not to chew too loud before Frankie quietly places the food onto the floor. She takes Grace’s hand into hers and Grace flinches but doesn’t open her eyes, squeezes Frankie’s hand slightly. Feeling brave, and hoping they’re both too overtired to overthink anything Frankie lays down lengthwise on the couch and pulls Grace’s arms until she is practically laying on top of her. 

“Oh!” Grace says looking up at Frankie with surprised and tired eyes but doesn’t make any effort to move away. 

“We don’t have to talk. But we should try to sleep.” Frankie whispers into her hair, her arms wrapped around Grace’s shoulders. She is trying not to shake at what holding Grace so close is doing to her body. 

Grace nods against Frankie’s chest and she feels her fingers caress Frankie upper arm. Grace is almost asleep and as much as Frankie wishes they could stay like that all night she knows Grace’s hips will be screaming at her all day tomorrow for sleeping so crookedly, not to mention her own back, although it would almost be worth it to get to wake up and find Grace’s arms still wrapped around her. 

“Grace? Hey pretty lady I think we better get you into bed?” She whispers and Grace’s eyes flutter. 

“Mmmmm” Grace groans but it comes out almost like a moan and the sound makes a slight ache make it self known in the out of her stomach. She knows she needs to get Grace back to her bedroom before she does or says something she will regret in the morning. 

“Grace? Grace sweetheart you need to get up.” Sweetheart? Did she just call Grace sweetheart? She tries to think if she’s done that before- surely she has. Pet names have always been an active part of Frankie’s vocabulary. 

Grace mumbles something and starts to crawl back up from her spot in Frankie’s arms. As soon as she’s standing Frankie misses her warmth. Grace is rubbing her eyes and Frankie looks up at her and thinks she looks so fragile that she could break any second. Frankie wants to spend the rest of her life protecting this delicate little bird with that razor sharp beak from anyone who might try to hurt her. 

“Hey come on sleepy head I’ll walk you back to the main house.” Frankie says as she stands up and puts her arm around Grace’s shoulder. Grace leans in to the touch. 

“Frankie?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I stay here with you tonight?”

Frankie is taken aback, Grace never wants to share a bed- let alone Frankie’s bed which is significantly smaller than Grace’s California king she has up in that nearly empty room for no good reason Frankie can think of. 

“Y- you want to stay here? With me? In my bed?”

“I, uh, I just thought seems how it’s closer, but don’t worry about it I’ll go back inside. Forget I said anything.”

“No no stay here. Please. Like you said it’s windy out and it’s so late. Stay. Please.” She’s trying not to beg. 

Grace smiles and follows Frankie to the bedroom. Once they get there Frankie tucks Grace in, the woman already nearly asleep, before crawling in on the other side. 

“Nighty night my sweet Grace.” She whispers. 

“Mmm love you.” 

Frankie stares at her for long after she knows she’s fallen asleep. She tells herself that they’ve said they love each other many times before, that is doesn’t mean anything really, but it doesn’t stop her stomach from fluttering at the thought of Grace actually loving her. She thinks she could cuddle right up beside her and Grace wouldn’t even wake up- maybe wouldn’t even mind if she did, but she stays on the other side of the bed. She loves Grace too much to jeopardize their friendship by pushing things too soon. 

Frankie stares at Grace’s hair, so delicately messed around her head like a flower crown. She takes time to appreciate both of her perfectly shaped eyebrows, the wrinkles around her closed eyes, the wrinkles around her perfect mouth. Oh that mouth- no. No she couldn’t let herself do this now. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair- she wouldn’t want someone to ogle her while she slept. Frankie laid all the way down and turned her back to Grace, reminding her of how Sol used to sleep each night. And just like with Sol, Frankie expects Grace will be long gone by the time she wakes up in the morning. Frankie actively chooses not to set an alarm. 9:30 be damned.


	5. Morning Glory

Despite having fallen asleep just after 3:30am when Frankie opens her eyes the clock reads 8:30. The light is glaring in at her through the curtains she forgot to close last night and she feels the lack of sleep in her body. She goes to stretch out her arms and legs before remembering how last night had ended. She whips around only to see the most heart stopping mess of beautiful golden curls resting on the pillow beside her. Grace’s head is turned away from her but she can tell she is very much still asleep. Frankie’s heart soars. She wants to stay in bed with Grace all day but she knows how hard of a time she has staying still and she wants to let Grace get all the rest she can. So Frankie slowly crawls out of bed, closes the blinds, and collects her things to get ready for the day in the main house. 

As she’s just about to leave she turns back once more to look at Grace. The blankets had moved down in the night and Grace’s shirt had ridden up a bit in the back. Frankie could see the curve of her spine beside the two little dimples on each side.

‘Frig- I’m fucked’, she thinks. She wishes she could kiss the soft looking patch of skin, wishes she could wake Grace up by enveloping her into a hug and making her feel loved. Grace has had many men love her, but not the real her. Not the way Frankie loves her- so wholly and unconditionally. Frankie always thought she had that love with Sol but sometimes it’s still hard to remember the good times without it all being tainted by the feelings of betrayal. 

As she heads out the door towards the beach house she hopes Grace doesn’t wake up scared and disoriented, or worse- regretful of her decision to stay in Frankie’s bed. 

After freshening up in Grace’s bathroom Frankie sets out to make breakfast, but not before checking her Facebook feed and sharing a video of cats dancing to a rap about getting Trump out of the Whitehouse. 

“These guys get it!!!” she types out before closing her laptop and going into the kitchen. 

Grace always makes breakfast. Frankie thinks mostly so she can keep tabs on what Frankie is eating. She knows Grace can’t watch her all day but at least she can start her day off on the right track with something healthy. 

Frankie cuts a grapefruit in half and sprinkles some sugar on her half and then a little bit on Grace’s too, hoping she won’t notice. Then she takes out two bowls and fills one with vanilla yogurt, adds a handful of granola and blueberries, places a few dark chocolate chips for added flavour- a gesture she knows Grace will hate. Sets the fruit and yogurt at Grace’s spot at the counter. Once the coffee is going she starts in on her own breakfast creation. It starts the same, with a bowl of vanilla yogurt but she then adds chocolate sauce and real chocolate chips, gummy worms, breaks up a graham cracker and sprinkles it on top. Sprinkles! She thinks, and starts to dig around in the cupboard until she hears what might be the side door opening. She stays perfectly still. Hears it close again. She hurriedly pours Grace’s coffee into her favourite mug and adds just a splash of baileys. 

“Frankie? Frankie are you in here? It’s nearly 10am for Christ’s sake why did you let me sleep for so long? We’re going to be so behind today.” Grace calls from the hallway. 

Frankie fiddles with her necklace, anxious to see Grace after last night. 

“Frankie? Frankie I’m going to go have a shower okay? I’ll make breakfast when I’m do-“ she stops as she walks into the kitchen. 

“Oh. Wow. You didn’t need to do this.” She says sounding stunned, acting as if Frankie had rented the entire Birch Aquarium just for her- but probably even better because Grace hates fish. In fact Frankie had been trying to get her to the aquarium for the past year. 

“Oh it’s nothing, really. You just always make breakfast for me, I just... I just thought you know since I was up first for once...” Frankie stammers wondering why they were both making a bigger deal out of this than they needed to. 

“Well. Alright. Thank you. I guess my shower can wait.” Grace says moving towards the counter. Frankie pours herself a coffee with more than just a splash of baileys. 

“I’m sorry we didn’t make that suuuper generous 9:30 deadline but it seemed like you needed a little extra sleep this morning. You were out like a log. Snoring so loudly I thought someone had broken in with a chainsaw.” Frankie says, remembering to swallow the spoonful of gummy worms before speaking. 

“I was not!” Grace begins to protest but Frankie winks at her and she just chuckles under her breath. 

“No no you’re by far the best bed mate I’ve ever had. You don’t snore like Sol and you don’t elbow me in the face like Coyote. In fact, I barely even noticed you were there.” Frankie says even though it’s a straight out lie. She had never felt someone else’s energy affecting her sleep so much before- and Frankie was all about reading peoples energies. 

“Well. That’s good. I’m sorry about all of that. I don’t quite know what got into me last night. But I was glad to have someone by my side.” Grace says and she rests her hand over top of Frankie’s. 

Frankie pulls it back as if she had shocked her. 

“Oh uh yeah you know me, I’m always there for ya girly. Anytime any day 23/7. The other hour being my weekly met up with Brenda down at the poultry mill. You know Brenda, the one with the glass eye? Her and I have started going out back on her break and dancing a prayer dance for all of the chickens that get killed and don’t even get turned into food. Just thrown into the garbage as if their sacrifice meant nothing.” Frankie is spouting near nonsense and she fully expects Grace to politely suggest she shut the hell up but Grace just looks at her with an amused expression. 

“What?” She asks suddenly acutely aware of how much her hands are shaking. Why is Grace making her so nervous this morning? 

“You are just unlike anyone I have ever known before. And I know I’ve probably said those exact words with a negative connotation before and I just want you to know I mean them now more than ever, and in the kindest way possible.” Grace reaches out and plucks a single gummy bear off Frankie’s untouched breakfast and pops it in her mouth. 

Frankie’s brain feels like it’s short cutting and the only words that come to mind are ‘do you love me? You said it but did you mean it? Do you think you could ever love me like you loved that other woman once?’ But she keeps her mouth shut and just grins uneasily back at Grace in response before digging into her food. 

Grace finishes her own yogurt and rinses out the bowl. Then she takes her coffee and goes to head upstairs, “Thank you again for breakfast. Don’t get used to eating like that in the morning though- this was an exception. You’re lucky you caught me when I was tired or else I would have thrown it out then and there.” 

“Sir yes sir” Frankie salutes her and Grace’s shakes her head. She chuckles and heads up the stairs. 

“Thirty minutes Frankie. You hear me? 11 o’clock sharp or I’m docking your allowance.”

After she hears the shower start Frankie cleans up the kitchen and sits down at the table with her laptop. Sipping her own coffee she tries to concentrate on her twitter feed but her thoughts keep traveling to Grace last night, pressed up against her body on the sofa. Grace in her bed, hair on Frankie’s pillow. Her back exposed in the early sunlight. 

I loved a woman once, she had said. Once. 

Frankie closes her eyes and tries to picture Grace young, before Robert. Before the kids. She was beautiful- Frankie has seen pictures. Long blonde curls and bright blue eyes. A naive sense of wonder that her parents tried to squash out of her from an early age. Frankie knows the ‘what if’ game leads to a dead end. If Grace had known at the time she was in love with a woman, if perhaps Grace had known she was gay- which Frankie still doesn’t know if she is- then Grace wouldn’t have Brianna and Mallory. Maybe she wouldn’t have that razor sharp sense of humour or maybe she wouldn’t have started Say Grace. There are too many possibilities that Frankie doesn’t even want to think about. She knows she can’t go back and make Grace happy then but even more than that she knows how badly she wants to make her happy now. 

I loved a woman once- 

Frankie tries not to focus on the once. She could have said ‘I’ve loved women before’, she could have even said ‘I loved a woman before I met Robert’ or any other possible way to say it without making it clear it was an isolated event. A blip on her heterosexual journey. It would make sense if Grace was bisexual, or even gay. It would make sense as to why a woman would be willing to stay with a man who didn’t love her- a man who she knew was cheating on her for forty years. Perhaps Grace had been afraid. Afraid of what her parents would think, or her friends. Afraid of admitting to herself that she she couldn’t be exactly who everyone wanted her to be. Frankie’s heart aches for Grace. 

I love you Grace had said, nearly asleep. 

‘Was Grace flirting with me last night?’

Surely she wasn’t. She couldn’t have been. Frankie tells herself she’s just reading too much into things because of her own feelings. But that look in her eye when she touched Frankie’s hand this morning won’t leave her mind. That look in her eye when Frankie pulled her into an embrace last night. That look like maybe, just maybe she wanted Frankie to ask her something she wasn’t ready to hear the answer to yet. 

She’s so lost in thought she doesn’t even hear Grace come down the stairs and walk up behind her. 

“My my my I must say I’m impressed! 10:52 and you’re already ready to go?” Grace says placing her free hand on Frankie’s shoulder while the other holds her empty coffee mug. 

Frankie’s skin prickles underneath the touch. 

“Hey lady I didn’t win Vybrant employee of the month for nothing- you want me to make you more coffee?” Frankie asks trying to turn around to look at Grace. For just under half an hour Grace looks phenomenal. She has understated makeup and her hair is a little flatter than usual but her skin tight jeans are doing her nothing but favours. She can smell Grace’s perfume from her chair- which is saying a lot for Frankie’s sense of smell, something which has never been too good. 

Grace laughs. “First off you gave that award to yourself. And secondly oh no you don’t. Don’t try to get me boozed up so you can get out of work. Don’t think I couldn’t tell how much baileys you put in there.” She grabs Frankie’s mug as well and goes into the kitchen, returning a few moments later with two piping hot cups before sitting down to work. 

It’s almost one pm when Frankie hears Grace’s stomach growl from across the table. 

“Graaaace.” She drags out, just above a whisper. Grace continues to type. 

“Grrrraaaaaaaaceee.” Still no response. 

“Grace when has ignoring me ever successfully made me stop?”

Grace sighs and takes her glasses off her face. 

“Yes Frances?”

“As employee of the month I do declare this right here to be lunch time.”

“Frankie, co-owner is a higher title than employee of the month. As the co-owner you could easily make that declaration.”

“Ah, but there are two co-owners and only one employee of the month. Therefor that title is actually more valuable.” Frankie shrugs as if she can’t believe Grace would argue such an obvious fact. 

Grace squints at her and exhales. “Fine. But only because once you’ve set your mind to something it’s nearly impossible to get you to focus on anything else.”

“Also because you love me!” Frankie says, like she has countless times before but this time it sits heavy in the room. Grace’s hand flies to her necklace- a tell tale sign shes uncomfortable. 

“Yes. Yes of course. I do, that. Well, uh, well let’s get on with it! What should we have for lunch?” Grace asks no longer looking at Frankie. 

Frankie’s heart is beating fast. What kind of a reaction to a joke was that? Did it have something to do with last night? 

“Hm well maybe I’ll go have a snack in my studio. Relax for a bit.” She says biting her lip. 

“Oh. Oh okay sure well let’s take a break then. I need to call Mallory anyway and check how Maddy’s cold is doing.” Grace sounds hurt. Hurt or embarrassed, Frankie can’t tell. She stands up and grabs the phone wiggling it in the air towards Frankie as if proving she really was going to make a phone call and hurried over to the stairs. 

“What time should we pick back up?” Frankie calls towards her. 

“Whenever.” And then she’s gone. Leaving Frankie sitting there wondering what the hell just happened.


	6. Brianna

Frankie goes back to her studio and into her bedroom. Grace must’ve made the bed when she got up this morning because it’s neater than Frankie has ever seen it look. She imagined Grace waking up in her bed and taking extra care tucking in the sheets. Did she lay in bed, eyes still closed and think about nearly falling asleep on Frankie’s chest the night before? Did she try not to remember how she had vulnerably asked to spend the night in the studio? About telling her she loved her? Did none of it mean anything to her? 

The blinds are still closed and Frankie moves to open them, letting the sunlight pour over the spot where Grace had been just three hours ago. 

You are too old for this kind of shit, she tells herself as she lifts up the covers and lays down right where Grace had slept. 

Oh for frig sake, she thinks, it even smells like her. She closes her eyes just as her phone pings, startling her. 

‘It’s your lucky day Frances- work is cancelled. I need to run out for a bit.’ Frankie sits up, trying to decide what to type back. She only calls her Frances when she’s being playful but the text seems suspiciously serious. 

‘Is everything ok???????’

‘Yes. Just some things I forgot I had to do.’

Frankie tries to decipher Grace’s mood, calling on her psychic abilities to decipher the texts but they are rusty on so few hours of sleep. 

‘Ok... I’m here if you need any help. I WAS planning on making it my most productive work afternoon yet.’

‘I will bring back supper’ Grace types and Frankie feels the message hit her directly in the chest. Not only did Grace not take the obvious bait about her work ethic, but Grace would be gone all day. 

Where was she running off to- or better yet what was she running away from? Frankie wonders. Anyone who knows Grace Hanson could tell you two things about her: one that she had a tendency to be hot and cold, and the other being that she would do anything- anything- to avoid dealing with her emotions. 

Sometimes just when Frankie felt they were making a breakthrough, just when she felt Grace was really opening up to her she would retract hotly and make it clear there was a distance between them, and there always would be. Last night was new though, Grace is a surprisingly touchy feely person when it comes to shoulder pats and the occasional hand holding but cuddling is not her thing. Laying together on the couch was not something she would have ever thought Grace would want to do. Especially after Grace opened up about loving that woman, an image Frankie still can’t shake from her mind. 

Well if Grace is going to be busy all day Frankie figures she might as well find a way to pass the time, so she does exactly what she does best: gets high and falls asleep in the middle of painting her toenails. 

When she wakes up she feels disoriented and surprisingly sad, unlike the feeling of calm she usually feels after waking up from a weed induced day time nap. She looks at the clock: 4:36pm. She slept way longer than she had planned (not that she had anything better to be doing) and when she stretches out she feels a stiffness in her legs and shoulders. Her stomach growls and she remembers she hasn’t eaten since this morning. The last thing she feels like doing is getting up and going into the main house. Hearing the emptiness vibrate through the halls. Wonder where Grace is right now. Grace! She thinks suddenly, and she reaches for her phone. 

No new messages. She clicks on her messenger app and the conversation with Grace is still open. 

Grace Hanson active 3 hours ago 

Frankie considers texting her but decides against it. If Grace needed anything she would call Frankie. Grace prides herself on being fiercely independent but since moving in with Frankie she has learned to accept help from the other woman when she needs it. Frankie thinks once more to that night all those years ago when she had wanted so badly to be the person Grace could come to when she needed someone and she send a silent thanks to the goddess for allowing that to be her reality most of the time now. 

Most of the time Frankie thinks bitterly as she forces herself to get up and go find some food. 

Grace’s car is still gone and Frankie feels relieved. She isn’t ready to face whatever is going on with Grace just yet. She tries to shake the feeling that Grace is going to come home drunk and mean. Given how raw she still feels about last night she doubts she would be able to handle Grace snapping at her without crying. 

Frankie quickly eats two pizza pops, forgetting entirely that Grace said she would bring dinner home, and settles in to her meditation room. She knows painting would help pass the time away but her heart feels too heavy to produce anything worthwhile right now. 

For the first time all day Frankie decides to let herself really sit down and unpack all the things she’d been feeling lately. She gets into position and sets up her phone in front of her. 

“Hello goddess it’s me, Frankie B, I hope you’re doing well and before I begin I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this spiritual and emotional journey you have chosen to guide me through. No matter what happens I know you have my back and won’t let another Sol Bergstein type trauma into my life for at least the next little while. I am still working on forgiving you for that one.” Frankie shifts uncomfortably on her cushion on the floor. 

“Goddess I’m here today seeking counsel on what to do about Grace. Grace Hanson- I know you know her, even if she claims she doesn’t know you. Listen that is one lady who could use some guidance right about now. I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty little head of hers but I can feel a storm brewing and I’m hoping she doesn’t get pulled under by it. I don’t know what I would do without her, honest. Lately I’ve been thinking about the possibility of taking things further with her... romantically, but I really do love things the way they are oh wise one, and I don’t want to lose that. I know, I know, it’s a textbook sticky mess of a situation and it’s starting to seem like the only way around it is to go right through it so maybe that’s just what I have to do- tell her how I feel. I mean after all we are old enough to stop playing games. Except Go Fish and on occasion Clue. Sometimes if I’m feeling extra festive I can jump into a quick game of jacks although Grace won’t ever play that with me. She likes monopoly which I always say is just-“

Frankie freezes mid sentence at the sound of the front door opening. 

“Oops gotta go goddess, thank you as usual” she whispers before tapping the end recording button far too aggressively. 

Brianna walks into the house and stops cold when she sees Frankie fumbling with her phone. They look at each other as if they’ve both just been caught. 

“Oh!” Brianna says and starts to back up to the door. 

“Brianna!!” Frankie nearly shouts, so relieved it isn’t Grace yet. “What are you doing here?” She jumps up and envelopes Brianna’s body into a hug. 

“Oh, um, Frankie, hello. Hi. Hi there crazy lady what’s going on?” Brianna pulls back and squints into Frankie’s eyes probably trying to determine if the older woman is high. 

“Oh Brianna too much to get into now. What are you up to? Come, sit. Entertain me.” Frankie says before sitting on the couch and looking up at Brianna with wide eyes. 

Brianna looks around uncomfortably as if she’s trying to come up with an excuse to leave. 

“Frankie you know I love our Frankie and Brianna time but I was actually just stopping by because mom said she was out all day and I thought the house would be empty. I was um, coming to borrow a few of those pretty shiny things mom keeps in her jewelry box and only pulls out once a year.”

“You talked to your mom? Today?”

“Um? Yes? She said she was driving to a business thing. I assumed you were with her?” Brianna ends each sentence as if it were a question. “Why aren’t you with her?” She asks dragging out the why. 

“I don’t know if you’ve ever met Grace, but sometimes she has a tendency to believe she works best alone.” Frankie shrugs. 

Brianna rolls her eyes. “Right. So anyway are you going to tell on me or are you going to be cool Frankie and let me borrow Grace’s earrings?”

Frankie thinks for a second before running towards the stairs. “If we get caught I’m blaming you.” she yells back at Brianna. 

Once upstairs Frankie lies back onto Grace’s bed while Brianna picks through the rings and bracelets from Grace’s bottom vanity drawer. They’re mostly from Robert. Gifts they both know mean nothing to her. 

“Sooo... what’s going on with you and mom?” Brianna asks holding a pair of hoop earrings up in the mirror. 

“Why? What did she say?” Frankie is quick to ask, almost too defensively. 

“Um? Nothing? Should she have? Is everything okay between you two? I thought things were going so well, you know the two of you fighting crime with dildos or whatever it is you do.”

“Thats phase two of the business plan.” Frankie says rolling over on Grace’s bed so she can look at Brianna in the mirror. “Oh things are good, Grace is good, the business is good.”

“Well that all sounds... good?”

“Brianna. At the risk of scarring you for life should I resist the urge to overshare with you right now?”

Brianna turns around, “Frankie when have you ever worried about scarring me before? Remember when you insisted on throwing me a menstruation party when I got my first period? Or do you not recall eating a slice of vagina shaped cake while sitting across from your teenage sons?” Brianna snorts “God now I know why dad and Sol were both so uncomfortable that day. You know, vaginas and all.” 

“Brianna, I haven’t ever told this to anyone before, well except my video diary earlier today. Right before you came in actually.”

“Oh that’s what you were doing, I thought maybe you had been looking at old person porn or something.”

“Brianna you know I cherish your devilish wit but I need to confess something right now.”

Brianna looks at her, eyes wide. 

“I think that I may, that I might slightly, could possibly, potentially- I mean I’m starting to think, that maybe-“

“Frankie. I can listen but only for about 4 minutes at a time so you better spit it out.”

“I’m in love with Grace.”

Brianna stares at her. “You’re-? You’re in love? With Grace? With my mom? My mother? Grace.” 

“Yes.” Frankie says and feels the relief wash over her. The words feel right. 

“Frankie.. sweetie.. what are you talking about? Like you love her like I love her- because we have to? Or you love her like Sol loves dad? In that confusing but cute way that no one understands?”

“I guess the latter is closer than anything.”

“Wow.” Brianna says and she holds up her hands. “Wow. Why am I surprised? How did I not see it coming?”

Frankie silently let’s her follow her train of thought. 

“I mean, yes, have you always been weirdly defensive of her despite what a bitch she has been to you- yes. Have you always stared at her for too long when she speaks- sure. Have Mallory and I discussed how ass backwards it is that you two just moved in together and settled into this domestic lifestyle together- oh yeah. But actually being in love? Like romantically? It shouldn’t be as surprising as it is right now. But it is.”

Frankie shrugs. 

“Okay no. Start at the beginning. You’re in love with her? Is she in love with you? Are you already... dating? Oh god!” Brianna tries to hold back a grimace at the word dating. The thought of the two of them being romantic too gross to imagine right now. 

“Listen sister there’s not much to tell- I love her. I always have in a way, well I guess I don’t have to tell you that. She told me last night that she loved me and then she fell asleep in my bed and then today she ran off to who knows where leaving me to have no clue if it was a casual I love you as a business partner Frankie or an I love you love you kind of thing.” Frankie falls back onto the bed. Exhausted by the confession. 

“O...Kay..?” Brianna thinks for a minute before plopping down next to Frankie.

“I love you Frankie and if you were telling me about anyone else but Grace I would want to encourage you to go for it. But I know mom and I’ve just never gotten that vibe from her. I mean then again I never got it from dad either but, I don’t know I don’t want you to get hurt by her for what, the billionth time?” 

“I know kiddo. I know.”

They both stare lay there, staring at the ceiling for a few minutes before Brianna speaks again. “Frankie? How good do falafels sound right now?”

“So good.” She agrees. 

“Even better than being gay with my mom?”

Frankie moves and pokes Brianna hard in the ribs. 

“Ow! I’m kidding I’m kidding! I just can’t believe I didn’t encourage this sapphic side of you more before. It just makes so much sense!”

Frankie laughs, openly and loudly. “It does doesn’t it? Lucky Bud and Coyote, having two queer parents.”

“Hey you never know- I could too.” Brianna says and she means it. Frankie smiles at her. 

They agree to get up and remake Grace’s bed before hopping into Brianna’s car to get falafels. Frankie thinks about texting Grace but part of her wants to play the waiting game. It’s Grace’s move now. 

After supper Brianna pulls up to the beach house and grabs Frankie’s shoulder right as she reaches for the door handle. 

“Hey Frankie I changed my mind. I do think you should tell her. I think she’s always been running from something and who knows? Maybe this is it.”

“Goodnight kiddo you know I love you so damn much.” Frankie reaches into her pocket to find a half smoked joint. She presses it into Brianna’s palm with a wink before stepping out of the vehicle. 

She walks into the house feeling lighter than she had all day. She settles into the couch and turns on Jeopardy. Everything is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay rereading this I’m like wow this is trash but I love Grace and Frankie fanfiction and I suffered through all the bad fics on here (every single one) so now it is your turn to suffer


	7. Rush

Frankie is jostled awake by the feeling of Grace sitting down on the couch beside her. She opens one eye. ‘What time is it?’ She asks groggily. 

Grace sighs. “It’s 10pm. Did you eat?”

“Yeah Brianna and I went out for a bit. Grace where have you been?” Frankie shifts to give Grace more room but she doesn’t sit up just yet. 

“I went to go see my dad.” 

Frankie stares at her, not understanding in the slightest. 

“I went to the cemetery Frankie.” She says bordering on exhaustion fuelled condescension. 

Frankie sits up quickly. “In Anaheim? You drove all the way to Anaheim today?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been feeling a lot of things lately. Things he wouldn’t approve of, and I thought maybe I should go tell him in person. It’s stupid I know.” Grace leans back against the couch and closes her eyes. Her hand rests on Frankie’s foot. 

Frankie stares at her and tries to picture the Grace Hanson she met all those years ago. The cold and calculated woman whose eyes could cut through you like a knife. She knows that woman is still in there but she comes out so much less frequently now. Frankie wished Grace could see the soft woman she has grown into, wishes Grace could learn to cut herself a little bit of slack every now and then. Frankie knows they’re dancing around the elephant in the room but she lets it continue. 

“And? What did he have to say?”

“Nothing.” Grace snorts, “Imagine that.” 

Frankie moves slowly, giving Grace the chance to move away and when she doesn’t Frankie wraps her arms around Grace in an awkward side hug. Grace twists so that they can actually hug. She grabs onto Frankie’s hair as though it were a life raft and Frankie feels her heart explode in her chest. 

“I’m sorry Grace.”

“Me too. I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. Yes. No.” Grace is shaking a little bit and Frankie rubs her back. “I’m fine.”

Frankie stays quiet and eventually she pulls back from the embrace. She keeps her head on Grace’s shoulder and Grace takes her hand into hers. 

“I think I’m gay.” Grace says and Frankie can feel the other woman’s entire body tense up. “Or a lesbian or whatever those women are called.”

“Labels are just labels. What do you feel?” 

“I... feel... like I love women. I think I always have. But I was scared and the women I saw that were like that were so different from who I wanted to be.” She continues, “I remember once asking my father about those women and I remember him spitting on the ground in disgust. I think that’s when I knew that I could never ever be like that.” 

Frankie feels her heart ache but she stays quiet, softly stroking Grace’s hand with her thumb, allowing her to continue. 

“When Robert left me I felt like it wasn’t fair. That I could sacrifice my entire life to him. To the charade. And that it still wasn’t enough. I mean for all those years of work, I could have, I could have-“ she chokes out a sob and Frankie wraps her in her arms again. 

“Grace. Grace. Sweetheart-“ there’s that word again, “honey I know it feels like it was all for nothing but it wasn’t. It wasn’t. You did so much in that time. Look! Your daughters and your company. And look at you Grace, you’re a masterpiece. You didn’t waste any of your time. You still have so much of it left. I think, maybe it was just all building up to this. I think you need to stop running from it.” Frankie has pulled her so she’s looking directly into her eyes. Grace is trying so hard not to cry her body is physically shaking. 

Grace is digging her fingernails into the couch and Frankie takes her hand into her own hand. She lifts it up and kisses it. Grace stares at her, eyes still watery. 

“Grace. You have nothing to be ashamed of you hear me? You did not disappoint your father when he was alive and you can’t disappoint him now that he’s dead so there’s nothing holding you back okay?”

“Frankie,” she says softly, her eyes searching Frankie’s, trying to communicate what she can’t yet say. 

“Mm?”

“Do you...?”

Frankie smiles weakly, “Mhm.” 

“Can I...?”

“Please.” She whispers, not even knowing for sure what the question is. 

And just like that Frankie feels herself leaning in, Grace’s hands once more in her hair, encouraging her. Their lips meet and Frankie feels like she is floating. She is too overwhelmed to even feel nervous. She keeps her hands to herself for the longest time until she’s certain Grace wants this and then she moves across Grace’s body like it’s everything she’s ever needed in life. Grace moans into her mouth and she swears if she were to die right now it would all be worth it. She could look back with no regrets. 

After a truly indeterminable amount of time Grace pulls back slightly and rests their foreheads together. They are both out of breath but the last thing Frankie wants right now is to stop. 

Grace, always the rational one whispers “Fuck what are we doing?” 

Instead of answering Frankie kisses her again and Grace welcomes it fully. She tries to kiss away all of Grace’s doubt, all of the stress from her day. She kisses Grace so passionately she knows Grace can’t help but feel how deep her love goes. 

“Should we stop?” Frankie asks, despite the ache between her legs screaming no. 

“No. Please no.” Grace pants and she kisses Frankie’s neck eliciting a gasp from the other woman. 

“Grace... I think maybe we should stop? I think we should talk first? About what this means?”

“Fuck! Fine.” Grace rips her hands away and bites down on her own thumb. 

“I’m sorry I’m so sorry I don’t want to stop either I just don’t know what this means for you. For us.”

“I’m sorry, I know Frankie” she says shaking her head before putting her face in her hands. “I’m so tired. I drove so much today. The last thing I feel like doing is talking.”

Frankie kisses her shoulder through her shirt and Grace shivers. The sight shoots a pulse of arousal through Frankie’s body again. 

“Grace listen to me okay? I love you okay? There I said it- I do, and I want this. My goodness grief do I ever want this Gracie-Grace but I feel like we need to slow down and figure out what we both need before we jump into anything okay?” As she speaks she feels every inch of her body fighting her. She wants this more than she can even begin to admit. Grace just nods sadly, still looking down. 

“This is not a rejection okay? Probably as close to the opposite as humanly possible. I’ve known I’ve wanted this for quite some time lady- but now I think you have to figure out what any of this means to you.”

“You- you have?” Grace stammers looking up at her. “You’ve thought about me? This way?”

Frankie kisses her once more, briefly and sweetly, “Oh honey. Yes.”

Frankie stands up and pulls on Grace’s arms. 

“Come on. Bed time.” she says and they walk towards the stairs. As they reach the bottom she realizes she doesn’t know what to do and the nervousness floods her stomach again. 

“Can.. can you come up? Just to sleep?” Grace looks into her eyes, “Please? 

Frankie wants to kiss her again, to push her up against the wall and kiss her until the sun comes up. She wants to hear Grace moan her name into her ear and she wants to feel Grace’s hands running up and down her spine. Maybe sharing a bed isn’t the bed idea for taking things slow. 

“Yes.” She breathes and curses herself for her weak discipline. 

They go upstairs and Grace goes into the bathroom. Washes her makeup off, changes into her button up pyjamas. Frankie sits on the edge of the bed. Pretends that just a few hours ago she wasn’t laying on that exact spot with Brianna. Talking about this exact situation. She laughs out loud before she can stop herself. Grace pops her head out the door hesitantly smiling and it makes Frankie laugh even louder. 

“What the hell is so funny?”

“Grace, frig, we just kissed- you kissed me. Did you ever ever ever think this is where we’d find ourselves at 75?” And Grace laughs too. A real genuine laugh as she moves towards the bed. 

“If anyone had told me I’d be practically begging you to share a bed with me when I first met you I would have shot them!” She says and they both crumple onto the bed in a fit of laughter. Frankie shimmies across the mattress until she can hold Grace while they laugh. 

“Remember that time we were all going out for supper to celebrate Bud’s eighth grade graduation and you and I both got the restaurant mixed up so we were sitting there waiting for everyone. Boy oh boy were you pissed to have made the same stupid mistake as me. I can’t imagine that woman now. What would she say to this version of you?” Frankie is cackling loudly and Grace’s hands are over her face as she laughs. 

“Jesus Christ there were a million times where I just wanted to pack you into a shipping box and stick you on the nearest train!!” She says gasping for air. 

Frankie’s stomach hurts from laughing and she takes Grace’s hands from her face. She grins at the beautiful woman beside her. This woman who has seen so much sadness and still manages to laugh until she can’t breathe after a long day. Frankie strokes her cheek and kisses the tip of her nose. She can’t believe she got so lucky to be here with her now. 

“I love you Grace Hanson. And I think I have for a very long time.”

Grace is quiet for a minute. “I love you.” She whispers and it almost sounds like the first time she’s saying it to someone and really truly meaning it. 

They move under the covers and Frankie is grateful that her clothes are always day to sleep compatible. As she curls up behind Grace’s body the urgency of her desire from earlier is replaced entirely with a feeling of belonging. They fit together so well, so sweetly it nearly makes her want to cry. She kisses the top of Grace’s ear and Grace moves slightly more into her. 

“Goodnight sweetheart” she whispers and Grace lets out a content sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOD this literally had like next to no build up but honestly- I’d like to try to tell this same story from Grace’s perspective as well and then I think it’d be better


	8. Vague

The clock on Grace’s nightstand reads 2:38 and when Frankie wakes suddenly in pain she is grateful that she still has so many hours left to lay next to Grace. Her shoulder is screaming at her and her right arm underneath Grace is asleep and she wants to try to pull it out without waking the other women. She moves slowly but there is still no way to get it out without rolling Grace over onto her side. Just as she frees it Grace’s groggy eyes pop open briefly and her heart flutters at the sight. 

“Mmm?” She whimpers as she wiggles closer to Frankie and Frankie temporarily forgets the need to stretch out her arm. 

“Hey sleepyhead sorry to wake you.”

“Mmm what time is it?” 

“It’s still the middle of the night.”

Frankie expects Grace to roll over and go back to sleep but instead she props herself up on her arm so she can look at Frankie better. 

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” She asks sleepily. 

Frankie grins. “Hmm not in the past three hours at least. And not nearly as many times as I would’ve liked to have heard it in the past 40 years.”

“Well. Expect that to change. Because I love you Frankie, I do. And I don’t know why but I suddenly want to tell you over and over again. It feels like the most natural thing in the world.”

Frankie leans up and gives her a peck on the cheek. “I love you too and I guarantee I will never tire of hearing you say it.”

Grace yawns into her hand but still doesn’t lay down completely. She just looks at Frankie so full of love Frankie thinks her heart might just give out. 

“I can’t say that I understand what’s going on with us right now. But I also can’t say I haven’t seen it coming. I think I’ve just been denying it for so long, that now I don’t know what to do. But I do want this. I’m scared, but I do want it.” She confesses and Frankie props herself up too so they’re eye level. 

“We don’t have to figure it out- or label it right now. I’m just happy to be with you.”

“Frankie?”

“Mhm?”

“Can I kiss you again?”

And then they are kissing and Grace lies back down while Frankie hovers over her until Grace pulls her down onto her and the contact sends chills down her entire body.  
She doesn’t think she’s ever felt a sexual energy like this before. Every inch of her body is filled with want for Grace. Every ounce of her energy is going towards loving Grace. Grace bites at her lower lip, hungry for this; as though she’s waited her entire life to let herself go like this. 

“Grace-“ Frankie breathes heavily, “are you sure? Are you sure you want this? Because I can’t... I can’t take it if we.... and then have you change your mind.” Her voice quivers and she suddenly feels vulnerable- like she’s laying herself bare out in the middle of the street and trusting the cars not to hit her. She looks at Grace, who is also breathing heavy, looking up at Frankie with nothing but want. 

“I want this-“ she chokes, “I want you.” She says and Frankie knows she means it. 

“Is it- is it just a sexual thing for you? Because...” Frankie can’t look her in the eye. 

“Frankie. Frankie. Look at me. I want this. All of this. Even when I want to drown you in the ocean I still want this. No one has made me stay with you, no one has made me love you. I can’t even tell you what a relief it is to say it out loud. To be honest with myself. It never felt right with any of the men I’ve been with and this just feels so... right. Frankie I can’t believe how right this feels.”

“I know? I know. I never thought this would happen. I mean I fantasized about it.” Frankie wiggles her eyebrow at the other woman, “but this is better than I imagined.”

“God- you didn’t?” 

Frankie winks at her and softly strokes Grace’s cheek, before taking her hand back and running it through her own hair. 

Grace breathes out and moves to kiss Frankie but she pulls back slightly. “It’s late- should we go to sleep?” She asks teasingly. 

“Frankie I swear to god if you don’t touch me right now I will kill you and then myself.” She says reaching out and moving Frankie’s hand to her breast. 

Frankie almost gasps at the contact and she immediately moves to capture Grace’s lips with hers. She squeezes her hand and Grace moans into her mouth. The sound puts Frankie’s body into overdrive and she crawls on top of Grace, kissing her jaw and taking her ear lobe into her mouth. 

Grace is writhing underneath her as her hands travel over every inch of Frankie she can reach. 

“Take this off.” She says as she starts to pull on Frankie’s tunic. Frankie does as she is told and before she can think she removes her camisole at the same time. Grace stares at her bare chest. Frankie has always been comfortable in her own skin but now, being put on display like this she feels a nervous flutter in her stomach. Grace has spent her entire adult life working to reclaim her body after her two pregnancies. Frankie knows that her own body is nothing in comparison. It’s soft and saggy and she hopes that Grace doesn’t mind. 

“Jesus you’re beautiful.” Grace whispers and reaches out to take one of Frankie’s breasts into her hand. She moves until there is hardly any space between them and she begins peppering Frankie’s chest with kisses starting at her collarbones and slowly working her way down. Her right hand is still on Frankie’s left breast and her fingers pinch the nipple slightly. Frankie let’s out a sigh and falls back against the pillows. Before she knows it Grace is on top of her, kissing and sucking the top of her right breast. Frankie has one hand on Grace’s fully clothed back and the other draped across her eyes, as if seeing Grace’s mouth move across her body would be too much to handle right now. Grace moves her thigh between Frankie’s legs and she moans so loudly it catches them both off guard. 

“Wh- where do you want me?” Grace asks, voice suddenly filled with uncertainty. 

“Anywhere.” And she means it. Grace could probably slap her across the face and it would feel good. Just so long as she kept moving her hips against Frankie’s like that. 

Grace moves her right hand down the length of Frankie’s ribs and hip as she takes her one nipple into her mouth. Frankie can’t speak, the sensation too much to bear. She takes Grace’s face in her hands and pulls her up to her lips. Grace’s tongue immediately enters her mouth and she forgets how to breathe. Her hands reach down to grab Grace’s ass and as Grace moans again she suddenly needs more of her. She shifts them so Grace is once again lying on her back and she straddles her, applying just a light enough pressure to make Grace try to buck her hips up against Frankie, hungry for more contact. She leans down and lightly kisses Grace’s neck right below her ear as she slowly unbuttons the top button of her pyjamas. 

“Jesus Frankie is this my punishment for all those years of being a miserable bitch to you?”

Frankie laughs a genuine laugh and she watches Grace’s face light up into a smile until her fingers brush against both of Grace’s tight nipples as she unbuttons the third button and Grace’s expression changes quickly into one of intense need. Frankie knows she needs to give her what she wants soon or else she might come undone. Frankie leans down again and nips at the soft skin right above her breast as Grace tries again to make contact between her legs. As she finally unbuttons the rest of the shirt and pushes it to the sides Frankie’s eyes can hardly believe what they are seeing. Grace’s breasts are less taut than she had imagined and the sight of Grace’s real body, the body that has carried two children, that has been tortured for so many years by the woman herself, the body that has been so neglected by any really loving hands, the sight is so beautiful, so erotic, it almost moves Frankie to tears. 

“Thank you.” She says looking up and seeing the vulnerability in the woman’s eyes. Sees the fear. “Thank you for trusting me.” And she kisses her hard and soft all at the same time. She presses her breasts against Grace’s chest and the two of them fit together so perfectly it’s as if they’ve done this a thousand times before. She shifts over and presses her leg back where Grace wants her most and Grace cries out. 

“I’ve never-“ Grace starts and Frankie thinks she’s going to tell her she’s never had sex with a woman before. “Its never felt like this. No one has ever- no one has ever made me feel this way. I don’t know what you’re doing to me but please, please don’t stop.” 

“I want to feel you, can I do that?”

Grace moans her approval and Frankie’s hand travels down her breast, across her soft belly- all the while they are kissing, tongues moving wildly. Her hand hesitates at the waist of Grace’s pyjama bottoms and Grace uses her free hand to try to pull them down slightly. The sight of Grace so ready for her, so open, makes it hard for Frankie to ignore her own need. She tries not to think about the throbbing between her own legs as she slips her hand under Grace’s waistband and over her silky underwear. The warmth she feels makes her moan and the look on Grace’s face is indescribable. 

Grace is clinging to her like she’s afraid to let go and Frankie hums softly as if to reassure her that she’s not going anywhere. 

“Tell me how you like it.” She whispers and Grace can barely take it. 

“I- can’t.” She chokes and Frankie kisses her softly, all the while rubbing soft circles on the outside of her panties. 

“Can you show me?”

Grace barely nods before moving her hand around Frankie’s. She pushes it aside and wiggles her body until she can use both hands to pull her pants and panties off completely. Out of habit she quickly pulls the blankets over top of her. The moonlight is streaming in through the open blinds and the sight of Grace undressing for her is enough to make her heart leap out of her chest. Frankie wants to move the blanket to get a better look at her but she wants Grace to be comfortable. Her hand rests on the top of Grace’s thigh, her thumb strumming it softly, awaiting further instruction. Grace takes Frankie’s hand and brushes it over her pubic bone. It isn’t bare and Frankie is surprised by this. The soft wispy hair is much more of a turn on than Frankie would have even thought. She kisses Grace sweetly as their hands move further down in one swift motion. As soon as she feels the wetness Frankie bites down on Grace’s lower lip causing her to gasp so loudly she’s glad their neighbours are a fair distance away. Grace directs Frankie’s hand to rub up and down before settling on a circular motion around her clit. Grace can no longer focus on kissing and she has her eyes squeezed shut. 

“Grace... can you look at me?” Grace’s eyes spring open. “I know you aren’t one for sex talk but I need you to tell me what to do okay?”

“Mmmm just like that. Please.” She whispers and Frankie shivers at the sound. 

Grace’s hand finds its way to her own breast and she squeezes her nipple hard. 

“Oh fuck.” Frankie pants at the sight. 

“I need you to fuck me Frankie.” Frankie gasps at the vulgarity and she doesn’t hesitate before moving her fingers from Grace’s clit down to her opening. The slickness is enough; Grace’s body not letting anything get in their way tonight. She kisses Grace’s neck as she slides one finger inside of her and Grace’s entire body bucks up towards her hand. 

“Do you like that?”

“More-“ is all she can manage and Frankie slips her middle finger in too. Grace still has one hand on her breast and she’s gasping for air. Frankie can’t control herself, “I like seeing you writhing under me.” she whispers against Grace’s ear before sucking on her earlobe again. Grace is coming undone.

“God fuck! Frankie- fuck! Right there. Please. Please. Please.” She begs. Frankie flicks her wrist faster. She feels Grace tighten around her fingers and she exhales deeply. She sucks the skin below her ear again and with one more thrust Grace lets out a strangled cry, bucking her hips up once more before letting out all of the air she had been holding inside. Frankie’s fingers still but she doesn’t dare move. Grace is panting heavily, her eyes squeezed shut. Grace takes her hand off her breast and lays her forearm across her forehead. Frankie kisses her shoulder as she slowly removes her fingers and wipes them on her pants before laying her hand flat against Grace’s quivering stomach. The blankets had been long thrown off and for the first time she gets a good look at Grace’s naked body. Her skin is speckled with age spots and freckles and her stomach is wrinkled and soft. She thinks this version of Grace is the most beautiful one she’s ever seen. Grace is still panting and Frankie stays quiet, nestles her head into the other woman’s neck and curls her leg over her naked waist. 

They lay there for a minute, both breathing hard, before Grace lets out a sigh that turns into an unexpected sob- it catches them both off guard and she immediately turns her body away from Frankie. Frankie is suddenly filled with fear, “Oh honey- sweetheart what’s wrong?” Frankie spoons her from behind and wraps her arms around her, trying to keep her warm. Grace doesn’t answer, she’s trying so hard to cry as silently as possible. She pulls the blankets up over them again.

“Grace? Honey? Talk to me please. I’m here, I’m here.” She reassures, rocking her slowly. She is suddenly acutely aware of how tired she is. Of how tired Grace must be. Of how stressful this day was for her. 

“Frankie... I can’t-“ she sobs again and Frankie thinks her heart might actually stop beating. Of course Grace can’t do this. She just discovered she might be gay- emphasis on the word might. This was all too sudden, for both of them. Her stomach flips at the possibility that this might’ve all been a mistake. That Grace didn’t think this through- that everything was going to change. She thinks she might throw up. “I can’t do this... unless we’re in it for the long haul-“ she gasps for more air. “I can’t let you see me this way, I can’t love you from afar, I can’t go back to the way things were before Frankie. I need you to either... be in. Or be out. I can’t do this half way. My heart... can’t take it.”

Frankie bursts into tears faster than she even thought possible. “Grace, my god- I’m in. I’m all the way in.” She’s smiling weakly and Grace turns around in her arms. Looks up at her with her tear filled eyes. 

“Really?”

“Honey, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.” She kisses her over and over and over again. “Grace do you have any idea how long I’ve loved you? Do you remember that night nearly 30 years ago when you told me you thought Robert was having an affair? Do you remember- you snapped at me at the bar?” Grace stares at her eyes open wide. “Grace, my god a day hasn’t gone by since that night that I didn’t think of you. When Sol left me I was devastated, I won’t deny that. But mostly because of the betrayal not actually because of Sol. I mean come on. We both stayed in dead marriages for so long- what were we hiding from? When Sol left I was devastated but it ended up being the best thing in the world for me. Look at us- we were always meant to be together. No one made us move in here together. We both had other friends. We wanted this life together Grace. I want this life. I want you. I’m all in baby! You’re stuck with me now, even more than before.” She says with a wink. 

“Frankie. I’ve been so awful to you. So so awful.” She says, choking back another sob. 

“Hey hey now, none of that. It’s okay. We’re okay. Okay?”

Grace nods and sighs softly. “I’m sorry for crying. I’m sorry for ruining that. It was so nice, it was so so nice.” She closes her eyes and settles in against Frankie, letting the exhaustion from the past 24 hours sweep her under. 

Frankie presses a kiss to her temple, still holding her tightly, she relaxes back a bit. “You didn’t ruin anything. How could you? Hoo-boy after seeing you like that I don’t think anything could ruin it for me. Anything. Even if the house collapsed around us. Even if a tidal wave hit San Diego right now and wiped out all our favourite spots on the beach. Even if-“

“Frankie?” She whispers. 

“Yes?”

“I think one day I’d like to share a last name with you.” She says drifting off to sleep. Frankie grins in the dark; avoids making a lesbian u haul joke. She knows Grace will regret saying that in the morning, after Frankie pulls out her spiritual name guide and dances around the kitchen singing their names followed by an assortment of exotic last names. She knows Grace will groan and half wonder what she’s gotten herself into. She knows Grace will get frustrated with her sometimes, and that Grace will likely be mean and hurt her feelings at some point and she knows that they have a tricky road ahead of them, but none of that matters right now. Because Frankie loves Grace, and Grace loves her back and they’re both in it for the long haul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATEVER thank you for reading it if you did- I love them so much and I just want them 2 be in love


End file.
